The bonds of family can take many forms,and increasingly,individuals are finding strength and support in relationships they choose.This story explores the burgeoning trend of “chosen families“-connections built on friendship, loyalty, and mutual care-as Alicia paquette and Audrey demonstrate the power of forging a sisterhood that transcends traditional familial ties. Their experience, detailed in a new report, reflects a growing recognition that chosen families can be a vital lifeline, especially for those navigating challenging circumstances or seeking acceptance and community.
Sometimes the family we choose is stronger than the one we’re born into. For Alicia Paquette and Audrey, a bond forged in childhood has blossomed into a support system that transcends traditional family ties.
Publié à
Born just two months apart, Alicia and Audrey’s connection began with their mothers’ friendship during pregnancy. Now 18, the two young women describe their relationship as a sisterhood. “When I talk about her, I call her ‘my sister,’” they both shared in separate interviews.
That bond deepened dramatically a year ago when Audrey made the difficult decision to leave her family home. She found refuge with Alicia. “My family life has never been easy,” Audrey explained shyly. “My parents moved a lot. I’d had enough, we weren’t getting along, and it just wasn’t a good situation to continue living with them. When they wanted to move again, I talked to Alicia because I knew it would give me a better living environment.”
Alicia’s mother immediately welcomed Audrey into their home, affectionately referring to her as “my niece.” “It’s hard because I don’t get to see my brothers as much, but I knew it would help her have a better living environment,” she said.
Alicia helped me when I needed it most, and I know she’ll always be there for me. She’s more my family than my family.
Audrey
The two friends have even commemorated their connection with matching tattoos of their birthdates. For them, no other relationship in their lives compares to the one they share. “I really think friendship can be a form of family relationship that you choose,” Audrey said.
PHOTO PROVIDED BY ALICIA
Alicia (left) and Audrey (right) as children.
Audrey’s story, while personal, reflects a broader trend. Many find chosen families after relocating away from their biological families. Others may never know their “real” families for various reasons. For many, particularly within the LGBTQ+ communities, the need for a supportive community to fill a void is vital.
“I believe that for many trans and queer people, the transition can be a very painful process, with rejection from a family that can’t transition their perspective on the person who is transitioning gender,” observes Pascale Bérubé, author and poet, who has a complex relationship with her own family. Describing herself as “the black sheep of the family,” she feels more tolerated than accepted.
PHOTO ÉDOUARD PLANTE-FRÉCHETTE, ARCHIVES LA PRESSE
Pascale Bérubé
Neurodivergent, artistic, and deeply sensitive, Pascale doesn’t find human relationships “easy” or “natural.” “As a trans woman, I’m fairly heteronormative, I like the idea of family, but I know that for many people, family is trouble,” she says. “I have friends, scattered here and there in my life, including this friend, Jeremy, with whom I have a very close bond, even though we don’t live in the same city.”
Jeremy is the person with whom Pascale has “total openness and trust.” “He had already told me, ‘No matter what, I’m here, I remain your friend.’ Even in a context of blood family, that kind of connection doesn’t always exist.”
Building a Support System
“In psychology research, we find that social support – being surrounded by people, having protective factors – is very important,” explains Christa Japel, a developmental psychologist. The growing emphasis on mental health and well-being has brought these concepts to the forefront of public conversation.
The importance of avoiding isolation is central to healthy development and well-being. “Having people to share with, who give us advice, is necessary,” says the expert, who believes chosen families can be life-saving.
For children, separation from family is a “major challenge for development.” As people age, surrounding themselves with support remains just as crucial.
Christa Japel cites the example of immigrants who, like herself, must invest in new relationships to create a community that feels like family. “It takes time and trust to build a circle,” says Japel, who moved from Germany to Montreal at age 22. “At first, it’s very difficult, you experience a lot of isolation.”
“I always remember the first few years being very difficult. Fortunately, I met people through studies and work, which was good for me, and I’m a very sociable person who worked hard to create a community.”
The psychologist speaks of friends who have broken with their families because their relationships were toxic. “I gather them at Christmas,” she says. “It’s a very difficult time for lonely people. Friendship becomes even more important. For people who are aging too, these connections can save them from loneliness. Community, kindness, is so necessary in our overly individualistic society.”
* First name fictionalized to protect privacy.
