The echoes of war can reverberate through generations, extending far beyond the battlefield. This is the reality for one Dutch family, whose story illustrates the enduring impact of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) on both a veteran and his daughter. Following his service as a peacekeeper during the Srebrenica conflict in the mid-1990s, the father has battled complex PTSD, with seemingly ordinary events like fireworks triggering debilitating flashbacks and disrupting family life for decades.His daughter shares a deeply personal account of navigating this challenge, and advocates for greater understanding of the often-invisible wounds of war-and their effect on those at home-in a newly published book, Thuisfront PTSS.
A daughter’s account of her father’s struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) following his service as a peacekeeper in Srebrenica is shedding light on the often-overlooked impact of conflict on families. The story underscores the growing recognition of the need for comprehensive mental health support for veterans and their loved ones, a challenge increasingly relevant as technology plays a larger role in modern warfare and its aftermath.
The father, who served in Srebrenica from 1994 to 1995, experienced intense combat situations, including prolonged periods under fire while stationed at an observation post near the enclave. According to his daughter, the experience led to complex PTSD, a condition that continues to affect him, particularly during events involving loud noises like fireworks.
Experiences of Reliving Trauma
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“My father was just twenty years old. Still a rookie, when he was deployed to Srebrenica as a soldier. He saw and experienced a lot of intense things there,” his daughter recounts. “He was fired upon for hours on end while standing at an observation post some distance from the Srebrenica enclave.”
His mother observed a significant change in him upon his return from the war. “He came back a different person, I understand from my mother. She noticed he had become distrustful and had a different look in his eyes. Darker, difficult to read. I was born later and don’t know him any other way.”
Growing up, the daughter witnessed the impact of her father’s PTSD firsthand. “When I was a child, things were difficult with my dad, especially when he had flashbacks. As a child, I sensed something was wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I remember wanting to spend time at my best friend’s house, who came from a traditional family. It was cozy there, and I found the peace I didn’t always find at home.”
Despite the family’s financial success with their own business, her father’s struggles with gambling and alcohol addiction quickly depleted their resources.
As she grew older, the daughter began to recognize specific triggers for her father. “He preferred to avoid the supermarket with all the aisles, colors, people, and hustle and bustle. Just like public transportation because of the unpredictability.”
“My father was depressed and irritable. He often became violent towards my mother, and she would call the police. He would be arrested but often released after just two hours. He rarely talked about his experiences. PTSD was recognized then, but there was little knowledge about possible treatment for traumatized soldiers.”
“Meanwhile, my mother and I lived under his moods. We walked on eggshells. As a child, I was very attuned to the atmosphere. When my parents divorced when I was twelve, it was mostly a relief. It was war at home, then there was peace.”
The Sound of Fireworks
“The relationship with my father is now thankfully very good, and my mother and he can also get along well – better than during their relationship. But his PTSD hasn’t disappeared. In 2021, my father was admitted for intensive trauma therapy. Unfortunately, he stopped this treatment prematurely. The pain got too close.”
He continues to experience triggers, particularly the sound of fireworks. “As soon as December begins, the tension builds. As soon as the bangs start, the flashbacks begin. The sound, the flashes of light, the bangs: you don’t get much closer to a war situation in everyday life.”
“Every year around New Year’s Eve, my father becomes more anxious and alert. The unpredictability of sudden bangs is very threatening to him. For me, it’s intense and frustrating to see my father so anxious and vulnerable. I couldn’t place his behavior when I was younger. Now I can, and that makes me more understanding.”
Two years ago, her father experienced a particularly severe episode during New Year’s Eve while staying at a hotel. “It all went wrong with my father around the turn of the year. He was in a hotel and had a flashback. In a panic, he called me, and then my mother and I got in the car to pick him up. His eyes were black, his body was completely tense, and he was disoriented.”
A Fireworks Ban
“Many people know that animals are afraid of fireworks, everyone knows the image of a dog hiding under the table whining. But this can also apply to people.”
A nationwide fireworks ban is likely in the future, as reported by RTL Nieuws. “I am happy about that for my father, but I also regret this tradition. I don’t dislike fireworks myself; I think it’s beautiful and fun to watch.”
“Every New Year’s Eve, I’m on standby for my father. In early December, friends ask about my plans, but I always sit on the couch with my grandmother and an oliebol. The question always hangs over my head whether my father will call me and what state he will be in: he may be okay or having a flashback. If things go badly with him, I go to him.”
“I can’t fully relax at a party; I will always think about my father and keep an eye on my phone. But that’s just how it is. New Year’s Eve isn’t very important to me.”
No Carefree Celebration
“I wrote the book Thuisfront PTSS (Home Front PTSD) about my father. I often saw books by former soldiers, but I missed the perspective of the home front. I wanted to describe that to gain more understanding: trauma also affects those around them.”
“I would prefer never to celebrate New Year’s Eve under tension again. It’s not a carefree celebration for me at all. I hope this will be possible in the future and that my father and I can celebrate this in peace. My father is back in contact with a care coordinator. He is working on his recovery and taking small steps. As a daughter, I can only support him.”
Never Again?
Do you also want to share your story and tell what you ‘never’ want to experience, do, or let happen again? We are curious about your story. Email us at weekendmagazine@rtl.nl
