Sex Advice Column Reveals Common Challenges in Long-Term Relationships

A recent advice column published today, November 9, 2025, highlights common struggles couples face regarding sexual intimacy and communication in long-term relationships, offering insights into navigating evolving desires and expectations.

One letter detailed a couple in their mid-50s and mid-60s grappling with a lack of shared sexual climax, where the husband’s arousal was contingent on his wife’s orgasm. The advice, provided by Slate’s “How to Do It” columnists, suggested reassessing the primacy of penetrative sex and exploring alternative avenues for mutual pleasure, such as focusing on activities that reliably bring the wife satisfaction while the husband simultaneously masturbates. The column emphasized that “sex isn’t real unless there’s penis-in-vagina penetration” is a harmful notion, encouraging couples to prioritize pleasure over rigid definitions of sexual activity.

Another exchange featured a couple in their early 50s struggling with communication and low desire, compounded by diagnoses of autism, ADD, OCD, and anxiety. The advice centered on acknowledging unresolved issues and initiating open dialogue, even if difficult. The columnists encouraged the husband to express his feelings of loss and sadness regarding the couple’s sex life, suggesting a letter might be a helpful starting point if direct conversation proves challenging. Seeking professional help, including therapy to address childhood trauma and potential physiological causes of anhedonia, was also recommended. Understanding the complexities of neurodiversity in relationships can be a crucial step toward improved intimacy, as explored by Verywell Mind.

A third, separate query involved a man experiencing involuntary arousal in the presence of a female coworker, a phenomenon known as arousal nonconcordance. The advice suggested discreetly managing the physical response and recognizing that such occurrences are surprisingly common, citing research from Emily Nagoski’s book, Come As You Are. This highlights the often-misunderstood disconnect between physiological response and conscious desire. These issues underscore the importance of open communication and seeking professional guidance when navigating complex relationship dynamics.

Columnists encouraged readers to submit questions and emphasized the anonymity of the advice process, noting that submissions may be edited for publication and potentially appear in other Slate advice columns.